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Three Techniques to Practice Awareness

In my last post, I talked about why awareness is important and how it can aid us. What I want to explore now is various techniques we can all use to practice our awareness so we can make changes in our lives.

From my own experiences and from hearing about others’, the journey to awareness usually starts out because we are frustrated with a situation in our lives. For some, it’s being unhappy with work or a relationship. For others, it may have more to do with feeling stuck in life in general, just going through the motions while not really experiencing what all is possible in life. There’s also people who want more money, who want to travel, or numerous other things.

Think for a minute about aspects of your own life. Seriously, shut off the tv, your iPod, and anything else that is outside chatter. Grab a notebook and pen. Take three, deep, slow breaths and just be quiet and connect with yourself. Now, write down these questions and answer them honestly.

Am I a truly happy person right now?
How much do I fully love and accept myself?
What do I love most about my relationships with other people?
What am I grateful for with all of my healthy relationships?
If I have any unhealthy relationships, what about them makes them unhealthy? What can I change about them?
What do I regularly do to challenge myself to grow?
What’s my relationship with money like?
Am I really enjoying my work? If not, why?

Now that you’ve done that, if you don’t have any areas that you want or think you need to improve, that’s awesome news! If you do see an area that you want to change, no matter how unlikely you think it is to change right now, keep reading. The techniques I’m about to list have made a significant improvement in my life. I’ll always be a work in progress, but I can look at each one of these and see how it’s helped me change my mindset in a lot of areas. I’ve been able to let go of past hurt and anger (at myself and others), find joy over even the smallest things, and discover a love for myself and others that I’ve never had. I’m not going to lie and say it’s easy work, because it’s not. What I will say is that if you at least give even just one of these a try, I promise it will make a significant difference in your life.

Family Genogram

A family genogram is similar to a family tree, but it’s definitely more complex. Instead of just examining lineage, genograms look at the relationships and interactions between family members. They’ve been utilized by therapists to help their patients work through anger, depression, addictions, and more. When I worked on my genogram, it was challenging since I haven’t really known most of my maternal or paternal family. I have so many aunts, uncles, and cousins that I wouldn’t even recognize if I walked past them on the street. Even when it came to my grandparents, I didn’t know much about them, especially my paternal grandparents. However, I still had enough information to create a genogram that helped to unravel A LOT of feelings and issues I’ve struggled with my entire life. I was finally able to pinpoint the origin of my feelings and actions and by having this origin, I was able to explain some things to myself and to start taking steps to make changes. You want to talk about eye-opening? This exercise will certainly be a doozy!

Journaling

This exercise is so much easier than the genogram and it still has multiple benefits. Make a habit of writing down your thoughts and ideas, even if for only five or 10 minutes a day. Personally, I’ve found this exercise to be freeing for several reasons. I’m able to get rid of all the chatter in my head that sometimes keeps me from moving forward. I’m also able to jot down all sorts of creative ideas that come to me. Journaling also helps me to manifest certain things in my life. It’s as if once I write it down, I force myself to take some action. About once a week, I go back through my journal to see what my thoughts were, if I made progress, if I let go of something, etc… There are times I write for only five minutes and times when I write for 15 or 20 minutes.

Meditation

Don’t let this technique intimidate you, please! I know, it’s hard to imagine being still and quiet with yourself, but I promise you, it really isn’t that difficult. There are so many types of meditation and there’s no “perfect” way to practice it, so don’t stress yourself out over this one. Some people find that meditating first thing in the morning works best for them, but again, there’s no perfect way to do this. Don’t fret over the idea of falling asleep either. It happens to a lot of us when we meditate. What I usually like to do is to think about a topic (love, courage, purpose, fear, connection with a higher source, etc…) then scroll through YouTube until I find a meditation that I feel drawn to. Sometimes I listen to guided meditations and other times I listen to ones with just music and sound. Most of the time I meditate in a specific room in our house, but I’ll even meditate for a few minutes at night in bed. After my morning meditations, I’ll journal about the experience and the thoughts as a result. I’ll discuss meditation in a bit more detail in future blog posts.

These are just three techniques that I’ve found to be very effective in increasing my awareness. Like I mentioned before, countless others use some of these and more routinely in their lives, so they aren’t just some crazy tactics or B.S. time wasters. If you feel like you want to make some changes in your life or need answers to something, try some of these for at least three weeks. If you skip a day or find them too challenging, don’t give up; keep pushing through and try again another day. I really think you’ll be amazed at how effective these techniques can be for you.

Do you have another technique you use to increase your awareness? If so, please share it with others in the comments. Until next time, I hope you all find a way to begin Living Differently and Better!

The Need for Self-Awareness

I’ve never been one who can remember quotes from people or lines from movies. Hell, I have a hard enough time remembering what someone said to me yesterday, but there is one quote that has stood out to me for years now. Eckhart Tolle, one of modern day’s greatest spiritual teachers, has said, “Awareness is the greatest agent for change”. In my mind, this could not be truer. But what is awareness and why is it important?

Psychologists have studied self-awareness for decades and even though the definitions may vary slightly, the core of self-awareness boils down to being present in a given moment without being critical of yourself. It’s about recognizing the feeling or thought that you are experiencing at a given moment and understanding why you are having that feeling or thought. Once you recognize it, you can detach yourself from it and move forward with growth.

Just the other day, I noticed I was feeling frustrated and even somewhat angry. I had been that way since waking up and it wasn’t going away. I could feel the frustration deep inside and noticed that I carried that feeling into everything from the traffic to people and to my job. As I was running errands for work, I could feel the frustration boiling over. I went to make a bank deposit and when the lady in front of me finished her transaction, she turned and gave me what I perceived as a dirty look then walked right into my personal space almost bumping into me when she had all this other room around her. I immediately thought to myself, “What the hell is her problem?”.

Right after that, I had to find a Dollar General store to get some supplies for work. You’d think this would be a pretty easy task, especially with GPS, but not this day. I was driving towards the store when I almost ran a red light because I was paying more attention to the GPS than to the road. Somehow, me almost doing that was not my fault, but was because of the GPS. So, my frustration level went up. As I pulled into the parking lot where the store was supposed to be, I noticed that it was gone. Thanks again, GPS! Now my frustration had reached a tipping point. Nothing about this day was working out for me.

That’s when I had to take some deep breaths and figure out what was going on. I started asking myself a lot of questions. Yep, I talk to myself all the time! Sometimes I even do it out loud, and I’m sure I provide a lot of entertainment for other people. There I was, driving down the road, going totally out of my way to another store when I said out loud, “Ok, Christine, what’s really bothering you today?”
“I don’t know.”
“Yes, you do.”
“Ok, I’m angry with myself.”
“Why are you angry with yourself?”
“I’m angry with myself because I’m not doing what I want to be doing at this moment.”
“What is it that you want to be doing?”
“I want to be working on things that feed my soul and honor my purpose.”
“Ok, why haven’t you done those things this week?”
“Well, part of it’s because I’ve been so tired.”
“Ok, so get some rest. There’s nothing wrong with that and you need to take care of yourself.”
“But I’m also angry because I wanted to have done more by now.”
“Well, you can’t go back in time but you can make some changes so why don’t you carve out time this week?”
“That sounds fair. I’ll get some rest and then on my day off, I’ll set some goals so I feel better about all of this.”

The conversation went on a bit more, but I soon realized a few things from my experience. There was nothing wrong with the lady at the bank. The problem was with me and my perceptions of her actions. GPS failing me? Nope, there wasn’t anything wrong with the GPS either; it’s technology after all, and technology fails sometimes. I also realized that my frustrations were affecting everything I did and the energy I was putting out there. Until I was able to change my way of thinking, those negative thoughts were going to continue. The most remarkable observation from this was that once I became aware of why I was feeling so much frustration, my entire mindset changed, and I felt ready to accomplish some of my goals and take on the world. I suddenly felt extreme happiness and all of my stress was gone. I knew that to get in the space where I wanted to be, I had to change some patterns and take some action. That simple process of being aware of my feelings and getting to the core of the cause immediately changed my outlook and put me in a better frame of mind.

If we can make a conscious effort to be aware of our thoughts and feelings, it becomes so much easier to respond to things around us. We can change our attitudes, our course of action, and our impact on other people. Awareness brings to the forefront of our minds what steps we need to take to change our lives. If we neglect to be aware or if we just live by going through the motions, we fail to grow as individuals and a society.

So, here’s my advice. If you don’t like how things are going for you right now, take a few moments each day to be aware of why you’re feeling that way. Shut down outside influences and just be still with yourself. Know that only you are responsible for your attitude and choices; it’s not what others do to you or how someone else “makes” you feel. Learn to understand what’s driving your thoughts and emotions and know that if you want something more, you have the power to make it happen.

Want some tips on how to be more self-aware? Stay tuned for my next blog when I’ll discuss some of the techniques that have worked for me and countless of other people. Until next time, I hope you all find a way to begin Living Differently and Better.

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Why Being Fired Set Me Free

Photo by Anthony Rao on Unsplash

In many cultures and even in Greek mythology, fire holds a significant meaning. The Phoenix rising from the ashes of fire represents both destruction and creation. In Buddhism, fire is considered to be the energy of the universe, the energy of us. In the Native American culture, fire represents purification and renewal and is used in some ceremonies to celebrate the changing of the seasons. I suppose then that it’s no surprise that the actual physical act of being fired set me free.

Sometimes we think that we just can’t take anymore, but the crap just keeps getting thrown at us. Until we’re willing to stop and pay attention to the signs the universe is giving us, the incessant storm just keeps piling it on. It’s like that saying, “When it rains, it pours”. The only difference is that I felt like I had been trapped in damn monsoon.

At the end of 2015, the storm began for me, but at the time I didn’t have any idea just how heavy it was going to be. Boy, was I in for a shock and a surprise! My dad (stepdad who legally adopted me) had recently passed away when I started to ask myself if I was truly living the life he knew I was capable of. When I got really honest with myself, or so I thought, I knew I wasn’t. In a way, things were beginning to unravel for me personally and I was struggling to get my new business off the ground.

Not knowing what to do, but realizing I had to do something, I started seeking out answers and started doing things outside of my comfort zone. I read a book on codependency and began to see why certain things had happened in my life, why I made the choices I did, and how everything in my life was connected to my emotional well-being and lack of self-confidence. I also joined a local Al-Anon group where I began to gather some tools that would enable me to make significant changes.

Somewhere from the depths of my soul, I found the nerve to start reaching out to complete strangers to seek advice on ways to grow my business and build my skills. Once I did that, doors started opening for me, and I was able to accomplish all of the goals I had set for my professional self. I gained a new sense of confidence and was proud of what I had accomplished. At the same time, I still really disliked the profession I was in, the one I had thought about leaving so many times before. But, I stayed in it because it’s what I knew even though I lost my passion years ago. It was one of those, “fake it until you make it” perspectives.

Fast forward to the end of 2016. Business had slowed down, and I became petrified. I needed steady income, but I was in a dry patch. So, I decided to go to work for a non-profit in the same line of work. They were nice enough to allow me to continue with my business as long as it didn’t interfere with my normal day job.

In the very beginning of 2017 I was contacted by a potential client who requested my services. I remember there being some red flags on the initial phone call, but I went against my gut and signed on with the client. Note to self – always listen to your gut!

Then in February of 2017, I received a call from a relative whom I hadn’t seen or spoken to in years. He contacted me to inform me that my estranged biological father had committed suicide. At the time of his death, he left instructions that both my brother and I were not to be at his service. Not surprisingly, he even left both of us out of his will. Complying with his wishes, he wife agreed to not have anyone tell me or my brother until after the memorial.

I thought I was over the pain from my relationship with my biological father years ago, but it turns out that I wasn’t. Even though we hadn’t spoken in years, and I no longer considered him my dad, his death opened up a treasure trove of emotions that I was soon going to have to face. On the bright side, and yes, there is one, his death enabled some family members and me to reconnect. Our relationships have continued to blossom, so I’ll always be grateful for that gift.

Soon afterwards, the client I was working for wanted me to come work for them as a full-time employee. I was offered a position that included some pretty decent benefits and the most money I had ever made. It wasn’t a ton, but it would put my family in a position where we were no longer living paycheck to paycheck. Even during the offer process, there were quite a few red flags – as red as a damn fire engine, but again, I chose to ignore them. I can recall the first day I went to work for them. I had this immediate sinking feeling that I had made a terrible decision. But, I was going to stick it out and give it my all.

Within a month of me starting this new job, I was hit with another wake-up call that I yet again, chose to ignore. After dealing with some unusual medical symptoms, I went to the doctor and was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes. My pancreas had stopped working, so I was going to have to take insulin, multiple times a day, to stay alive. I knew absolutely nothing about T1 diabetes, and it was never on my radar. Despite the diagnosis, I continued to work excessive hours. I wasn’t sleeping much either and was under an immense amount of stress. It seemed like the harder I worked at trying to get my job done, the worse things got. Physically, I started experiencing numerous diabetic lows and highs. At some point, I just truly didn’t care about the job anymore and was more concerned about trying to manage my diagnosis and stay alive.

Finally, right after Christmas, I became ill and went to the doctor. She had me stay out of work for about five days, and upon my return, I sensed what was about to happen. As soon as I walked into my office, I saw that some of my things had been moved. I was so certain what was about to happen that I even texted my husband to tell him.

Later that day, my boss came in for a meeting with me. After a few minutes of chit-chat, she fired me. The funny thing was, at that moment, I was so relieved. There were multiple red flags that I had chosen to ignore, and honestly, I hated that job. Don’t get me wrong, I loved the people, but I hated the job. I had come to hate the profession altogether. I was burned out and over it.

After taking a couple of days to truly process what had just happened, panic set in. How was I going to pay my bills? How was I going to help to keep a roof over our head? How was I going to buy groceries and other essentials? How was I going to feed our pets? Shit! How was I going to buy my insulin and other medical supplies?

Then it happened. Commence Operation Breakdown, or as I prefer to call it, my existential crisis. For a few days I laid in bed and did nothing but sleep and cry uncontrollably. It was more than a full-on pity party. See, in those moments, I realized that I had lost my identity. My entire adult life had been focused on making my work a priority; it was the only thing I truly connected with and was good at. For years I had been a workaholic, sleep deprived, miserable person. I missed family events, even a funeral, and passed on fun outings with friends and family because I was more focused on work. Whenever anyone would ask me what I did for a living, my response would be my job title. After taking that approach for so many years, that “label” that I had attached to myself was what I had become and nothing more. When I was fired, I shed that label and didn’t recognize the person who was left.

Deciding that I had two choices – live in misery and remain a mess – or rediscover who I was and rise up from my own ashes, I did a lot of soul searching and asked myself some pretty significant questions. It also meant that truly for the first time in my life, I had to be honest with myself and speak my truth.

With pen in hand, I jotted down these questions: What inspires me and what am I good at? How do I overcome my internal struggle and grow and gain success? What am I trying to work through? What has been my journey? What do I want out of life? Am I living my life or the one others expect me to live?

After quite a bit of deep thinking and soul searching, here’s what I realized:

What Inspires Me

Other people’s stories of personal or professional success
When others grow and realize their potential
People who follow their dreams
Learning new things
Self-awareness
Motivating or inspiring others

What am I Trying to Work Through

Extreme self-doubt
Loving myself more, understanding my worth
Being tired of the struggles
Fear of becoming homeless or going without food
How to create boundaries
Realizing my life isn’t what I want it to be and that I’m the only one who can change it
Learning how to have a voice and speak my truth
Understanding the impact members of my family have had on me, good or bad, and how I have the key that can unlock the secrets to change things so I can be happy

What do I Want Out of Life

To have time to make my health a priority
To have time to spend with friends and family
To have connections with others
To truly enjoy and love my work
To make my own choices
To be financially secure
To feel like I’ve contributed something meaningful to another person’s life

Without being fired, I don’t know that I would have experienced my existential crisis. Without that happening, I’m not sure that I would have ever admitted how much I disliked my work. I don’t know that I would have begun to question life, to recognize the depths of my unhappiness, or to learn how to appreciate myself, my worth, and my voice.

Being fired set me free! It set me free from this trapped version of my old self. It set me free to discover what life is really about. It set me free to no longer live with blinders on. It set me free to listen to my heart. It set me free to begin living!

In my upcoming posts, I’ll share stories of my journey and what I’ve learned along the way. I’ll also share other people’s inspirational stories about how they faced their fears and took on the world.

Until next time, I hope you all find ways to begin LIVING DIFFERENTLY AND BETTER.

Why Living Differently and Better

Photo by Steve Halama on Unsplash

For some of you who know me, you might already know why I’m starting this blog and my podcast. For many others, I haven’t shared it until now. I usually wait until things seem to be in perfect order, but I’m changing and going completely against that. I’m throwing caution to the wind and jumping in from this point forward. No more “perfect plan”. Whatever comes out and happens, happens. I’m letting go of my fears about judgment and just going for it.

Alrighty, so why on earth am I doing this? What will be shared? What’s the point of all of this?

Have you ever felt as if things weren’t aligned in your heart and soul? Like you were just going through the motions of life but not truly living? Have you ever had a deep burning in your soul as if you weren’t on your true path in life, that you weren’t living a happy life, that you wanted or needed something different?

Well, that’s what I’ve been struggling with for years. For most of my adult life I chose to stay in a profession that was very toxic for me, one that part of me loved but the other part of me experienced so much pain and discomfort. I always had this unsettling urge to do something different, but at the same time I was comfortable with the pain and discomfort. It’s what I thought I deserved and it’s what I knew – until now.

It took me practically falling to my knees out of despair to realize everything in life could be so much different and better. It was all up to me to make the change, and it wasn’t going to be easy. Hell, even typing this isn’t easy – baring my deepest and darkest thoughts about myself, baring my soul, and sharing my pain. One thing that I’ve learned though is that I had to come to grips with my truth. I had to experience all of my pain and discomfort before I could appreciate all of the greatness and beauty there is in the world and within myself.

I can’t possibly share everything in one blog or podcast, but as time unravels, I’ll share more of what I’ve experienced and come to understand. My hope is that some of what I share will hit home for other people and give them a bit of inspiration to know things can be different and better, if it’s in your personal life, professional life, or spiritual life. I won’t ever claim to have the answers, but I will be very open and honest about what has been true for me personally. What I have learned. What I have come to understand.

If you are struggling with letting go of fears, following your heart, or living to your full potential, I hope that you can find some encouragement and strength in what I share and in what other people share about our lives. There is so much incredible beauty and love in this world, and even though life isn’t meant to be perfect, we can all live a richer, fuller life if we just open our eyes and hearts more.

Until next time, I hope you all find a way to begin LIVING DIFFERENTLY AND BETTER.